Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
