but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
