had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
