sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
