I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
