you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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