Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
