I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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