By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My life is pants optional.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
