After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
