I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
