Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
