By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
