I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just wanna soil my oats bro
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just high enough for therapy.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
