Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Your dad touched me again.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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