stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Too much gin, very little bucket
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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