Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
