We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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