do herpes really smell.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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