dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
