Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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