dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
