$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
