Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Randomize
