Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
