i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
