I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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