Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
