i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
