boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
