I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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