no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
