Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
