I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
