after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
