dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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