i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
