What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
