What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we're making bets on your personal life
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
