Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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