She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
