I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We need a shit load of segways right now
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
