so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
