matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
