new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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