I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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