Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
