You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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