it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you had me at cake vodka
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
