I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
