what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
