i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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