Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
